1 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:06,474 - Max, the guy is coming right now. 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,142 - That's the first time anyone's ever been polite enough 3 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,778 to announce that to me. 4 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,213 - Yeah, hilarious, sex is messy. 5 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,581 Now hurry! 6 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,149 Let's get these cupcakes to the window 7 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,385 before that guy gets here, and when he does, Max, 8 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,087 don't turn around. 9 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,654 - What? - You know why. 10 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:28,396 [upbeat music] 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:35,403 * 12 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,638 - And here we are on the much traveled 13 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,840 Bedford Street right in the very heart 14 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,210 of historic Williamsburg. 15 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,245 - This guy is so boring. 16 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:48,216 He's like a roofy with a little flag. 17 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,319 - During the 1830s, German and Austrian capitalists 18 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,154 established their businesses 19 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:56,190 here in historic Williamsburg Brooklyn. 20 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,126 - And, in honor of those German and Austrian 21 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,828 founding fathers, here we have our 22 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,597 Williamsburg beer-batter cupcake. 23 00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:08,436 Oof-yah, beer batter! It's good! 24 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,671 - Wow, you're pushing harder than I was 25 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,707 after I ate that whole brick of cheese. 26 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,512 - Soon, docks, shipyards, refineries, mills, 27 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,748 and other booming businesses opened 28 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,250 along the growing waterfront. 29 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,286 - Businesses just like Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 30 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,288 See, made in Williamsburg. 31 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,457 Only 12.95, 100% cotton. 32 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:35,729 - And I'm guessing cotton oof-ya, ees good! 33 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:40,534 - Actually, I was referencing booming Williamsburg businesses. 34 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,271 This is one of those small Williamsburg businesses 35 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,473 that won't be here much longer. 36 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,276 Follow me. 37 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:52,413 Oh, sir, no, a free dessert comes with your end-of-tour meal 38 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,749 at the Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole Restaurant. 39 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,152 Don't waste your Euros. 40 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:04,392 - How dare he tell those people our business won't be here. 41 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,160 I haven't been this speechless since the first time 42 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,362 I saw your toe nails. 43 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,698 - Who cares what he thinks? 44 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,400 We had such a good month, I had enough cash 45 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:15,203 to buy my own box of s'mores Pop-Tarts, 46 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,339 a goal I've had since I was 11. 47 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,641 My other goal was making it to 12. 48 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,875 By the way, you heard I referenced 49 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,213 the Pop-Tarts as "my own box," right? 50 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,348 - Max, I'm not interested in your box. 51 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:31,385 - Well, not for another ten years when we're still single. 52 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,594 - I can't believe that tour guide 53 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,895 is telling people that our cupcake business 54 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,464 is gonna fail. 55 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,233 - I mean, it's one thing for you, me, 56 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,302 and Time Out New York to say it, but... 57 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,504 - I just hate that tour guy. 58 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,807 - I hate that tour guy too! 59 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,476 - Han, oh, my God! 60 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,478 It took us five years, but we finally have something 61 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,647 in common. 62 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,951 - That's not true. Aren't you both an A-cup? 63 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,886 - Can you believe he's telling his entire tour 64 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,721 that our cupcake business is gonna fail? 65 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,757 - Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he has 66 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,860 the most basic understanding of supply and demand. 67 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,766 - Han, don't blow this, it might be our only connection 68 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,000 ever. 69 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,237 - Who the hell does that dickweed think he is? 70 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,438 - Exactly. 71 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,773 - And I hate him because that tour never eats 72 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,907 in here. 73 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,776 He just keeps pushing his stupid 74 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,744 Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole. 75 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,847 I don't want to hear anymore about that guy's hole! 76 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,717 - Until ten years from now when you're still single. 77 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,288 - Hey, everybody! 78 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,859 Well, it happened. 79 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,530 - Ryan Seacrest came out? 80 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,966 - Oh, Max, don't be silly. 81 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,602 No, I'm pretty sure that happened 82 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,904 a couple of years ago. 83 00:03:56,937 --> 00:04:00,040 My biggest dream has come true. 84 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,375 - Kentucky Fried Chicken now comes 85 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,477 with free hair extensions? 86 00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:07,915 - Okay, my second biggest dream. 87 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,318 I'm pregnant. 88 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,819 - Oh, no everyone just thinks that 89 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,788 after they'd had the chicken parmesan here. 90 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,625 - It's not official. I haven't peed on a stick yet, 91 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,494 but my boobs are really, really sore. 92 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,698 - That could be my handy-work, baby. 93 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,901 - Well, we're about to find out in a minute 94 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,872 'cause I'm about to go pee like a race whore. 95 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,408 - Sophie, the phrase is "race horse." 96 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,978 - Uh, not in Poland. 97 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,348 See, I got a whole bunch of these things 98 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,751 'cause, uh, my aim isn't very good. 99 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,953 Yeah, I have what the doctors call 100 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:50,591 "a forked stream." 101 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,861 - Well, whichever of those you don't use, I'll take. 102 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,329 It'll be nice not to throw myself 103 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,431 down a flight of stairs every time I have a hunch. 104 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,400 - Oh, all right, well. 105 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,668 Wish me luck, girls. 106 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,936 - Oh, wait up, Sophie! 107 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,039 I'll hold the stick under you while you urinate. 108 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:11,311 - Oleg, you're gonna make a great father. 109 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,953 - Is it even possible for Sophie to have a baby? 110 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,922 I mean, didn't that window close around the same time 111 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,392 Blockbuster Video did? 112 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,762 - Well, we don't know how old she is. 113 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,098 Sophie's ageless, like a unicorn 114 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,967 or...Anderson Cooper. 115 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,371 - Caroline, I found a city website 116 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,440 where we can complain about that tour guide. 117 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,841 - Why, what'd he do to you? 118 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,510 Confuse you with a historic Williamsburg 119 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,612 fire hydrant? 120 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,515 Up top! 121 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,049 - Um, things have changed. 122 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,551 I'm kind of all about the Han and me connection 123 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,686 right now. 124 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,723 - Sorry, Max, you're out. 125 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,525 - Han, complaining online doesn't work. 126 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,892 - True, if it did, they would have replaced 127 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,094 my faulty Legos by now. 128 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,031 - I say we gotta find him and knock some sense into him. 129 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,733 - I'm in. 130 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:09,437 - That's the first time Han has ever said that to a woman. 131 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,073 All right, can I just come? 132 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,617 - That tour guide keeps going on and on 133 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:26,119 into his mic in front of that bunch of Euro trash. 134 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,956 It's like Madonna on tour. 135 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,492 - Forget this Ye Olde Williamsburg place. 136 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,994 Those people should be having desserts at my diner! 137 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,430 - Yeah, if they wanted Ye Olde Desserts, 138 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,165 they should have come to us. 139 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,734 We've got lady fingers so old, they have arthritis. 140 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,136 - Ooh, okay, here he comes. Get ready! 141 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,673 - Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this! 142 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,576 I'm not a violent person, and full disclosure, 143 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,811 this is a Nerf bat. 144 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,480 Sorry, Caroline, I hope this doesn't affect 145 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,081 our budding friendship/ you never know, 146 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,084 possible romance. 147 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,952 - Never gonna happen. 148 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,154 Okay, Han's dead to me. It's back to me and you. 149 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,190 - Thank God. Those couple of hours were hell. 150 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,593 - For me too. 151 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,227 Hi, we need to talk to you. 152 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,530 I'm Caroline from Max's Homemade Cupcakes. 153 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,565 - Oh, yeah, right. 154 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,601 I didn't recognize you without... 155 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:17,204 the worst German accent I ever heard. 156 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,739 - And you are? 157 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,173 - Dannon. 158 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,510 - Like the yogurt? 159 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,944 - It's a family name. 160 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,246 - Listen, Yoplait. 161 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,549 I personally don't give a crap what you think, 162 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,484 but you bad-mouthing our business 163 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,119 is upsetting my girl here. 164 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,187 You got that, Activia? 165 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:38,258 - Look, girls, I'm not just talking about your business. 166 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,193 All the businesses on that block are gonna close. 167 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,130 It's getting plowed for an IMAX theatre. 168 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,100 - Oh, my God. 169 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,602 - I know. 170 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:52,072 Another Max is getting plowed on our block? 171 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,946 - Morning. - Yeah. 172 00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,980 I can't believe they're replacing us 173 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,815 with an IMAX. 174 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,818 That subway psychic told me my business would skyrocket. 175 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,219 I guess this also means I won't be a contestant 176 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,622 on "The Voice." 177 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:11,792 - That psychic had food all down her blouse. 178 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,126 She couldn't predict her mouth opening, 179 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,295 let alone your life. 180 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,264 - I'm e-mailing all the neighborhood business owners 181 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,967 to attend an emergency meeting tonight at the diner. 182 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,101 I've contacted pretty much everyone 183 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,003 except that medical marijuana store. 184 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,239 You know, Joint Custody. 185 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,942 - I'll call them. They're on my speed dial. 186 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,714 * Pop my tarts pop my tarts * 187 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,683 * Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts, Pop-Tarts * 188 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,985 * A boppa-boppa boppa-tarts-- 189 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,827 [keys clacking] 190 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,299 - Yes, it was me. I stress ate them. 191 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:56,036 - You ate my PPTs? 192 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,039 Personal Pop-Tarts. 193 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,808 - You gave them a cute name? 194 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,744 - Of course, I've been dreaming about them my whole life. 195 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:07,781 I can't believe you ate the last of my s'mores Pop-Tarts. 196 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,917 - Fine, I'll go out and buy you another box 197 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,953 with the money I was saving for a Wet n Wild lip liner. 198 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,788 [knocking at door] 199 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,824 Well, we know that's not opportunity knocking. 200 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,059 He lost my address when I moved in here. 201 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,597 - Hi, girls. 202 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,666 I'm out of sugar, and can one of you read 203 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,769 my morning pee stick? 204 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,904 I can't read this little window thing 205 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,775 and I lost my cheaters and Oleg's not upstairs. 206 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,945 - So you lot both your cheaters. 207 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,614 - Yeah, see Max? 208 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,750 That kind of joke is no longer funny 209 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,918 now that we're gonna be parents. 210 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,320 So no more that! 211 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,929 - It's just not my morning. 212 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,298 - Caroline, why don't you read it? 213 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,967 Might be nice to here some good news 214 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,003 come out of your sad mouth for a change. 215 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,274 - Oh, just take it. 216 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,878 I'm pretty sure I got the worst of it. 217 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:14,682 - Okay, now everybody hold hands and get ready to cry 218 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:19,820 'cause I feel really, really, really pregnant. 219 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:20,954 - It's negative. 220 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,191 - You're negative! 221 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,293 - Sophie, I understand you're disappointed, 222 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:29,429 but maybe you should manage your expectations. 223 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,266 - Oh, man I really thought I was pregnant. 224 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,003 I mean, my period's real late. 225 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,744 - How late is late? 226 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:47,280 Hashtag, just asking for a friend. 227 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,017 - Well, I don't know. 228 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,986 Six months? 229 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,823 A year, tops. 230 00:10:55,856 --> 00:11:00,127 - Well, I mean, at your age-- - Oh, careful now. 231 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,831 Don't be too dead to get my new Pop-Tarts. 232 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:07,134 - Exactly how old do you think I am? 233 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,435 - Well... 234 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,303 - If you open your mouth and say an age, 235 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:14,307 any age, there's no coming back from that. 236 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:18,411 - How old? 237 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,447 - Well... 238 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,121 - Oh. 239 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,797 - [scoffs] [laughs] 240 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,933 - Final offer. 241 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,468 - Well, I don't know how old she is, 242 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,937 but I've aged since this started. 243 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,178 - Okay, next, Cathy's Crystal Shop. 244 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,348 - Present and accounted for, thank the goddess. 245 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,085 - Garboni Funeral Home? 246 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,353 Thanks for coming. 247 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,960 - No thanks, I'm having my head frozen. 248 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,498 - Bedford Methadone and Drug Clinic? 249 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,233 Oh. 250 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,069 - Do you have a card? 251 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,907 - We'll just wait for one more business to arrive 252 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,241 before we start. 253 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,810 Oh, and thank you all for coming. 254 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,277 - Oh, and thank you 255 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,380 for closing the diner tonight for this meeting. 256 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,450 - Oh, we're not closed. 257 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,186 - Nope, this is a busy Thursday for us. 258 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,790 - Oh, hi, are you here for the meeting? 259 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,827 - Yeah, we're Smiley Time Daycare. 260 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,764 - Well, if Sophie has a baby, I think we found our nanny. 261 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,836 - Okay, tonight's call to arms 262 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,570 is really about each and every one of us 263 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,472 and our dreams. 264 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,075 Small businesses are and have always been 265 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,977 the backbone of Williamsburg. 266 00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,347 - But this is about so much more than business. 267 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,882 Let me help. 268 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,851 I took a class in motivational speaking. 269 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,185 - Well motivate your ass back down. 270 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,220 I got this. 271 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,856 - Do you? You're losing this crowd 272 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,524 faster than I'm going to lose my diner. 273 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,193 - He's right, move it along. 274 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,328 You make that boring crock guy look like a sweeps episode 275 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,064 of "Empire." 276 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,231 - That was just my opening. 277 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,434 - And your closing. Thanks, Caroline. 278 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:28,208 Yes, I said yes, folks. 279 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,510 Yes, we are all businesses, 280 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,580 but we are one hell of a lot more than that! 281 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,949 - Impressive. It's like Tony Robbins 282 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,519 and a pine nut had a baby. 283 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,255 - We are a family, 284 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,591 and the only way-- the only way out of this crap 285 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,193 is each other. 286 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,194 - Can I get a "what-what?" 287 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,328 all: What-what! 288 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,562 - Can I get a high-five? 289 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,264 all: High-five! 290 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,765 - All right! - High-five! 291 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138 - I'm so jealous. 292 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,373 I've been dying to do that for years. 293 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,578 - And tomorrow, we need you, 294 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,949 and I mean every one of you, 295 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:12,052 to join my diner family at that public hearing 296 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,187 down at the Brooklyn Courthouse 297 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,056 and we are going to tell them 298 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,291 they can keep their stinking buyout money. 299 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,027 - Yeah! 300 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,261 - There isn't enough money in the world 301 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:25,132 to buyout our leases. - Yeah. 302 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,000 Han, I don't-- - Wait, they want to buy us out? 303 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,669 - Not 20,000, not 30,000-- 304 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,339 - Dollars? I could live in India. 305 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:36,143 I wouldn't have to sell these dumb crystals anymore. 306 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,311 - But we are a family! 307 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,014 - Yeah, we're a family. 308 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,685 [indistinct murmuring] 309 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,121 - Might just be us tomorrow. 310 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,263 - With the addition of the IMAX, 311 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,298 I predict that the net worth 312 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,268 of this now dilapidated group of businesses 313 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,336 will at least quadruple. 314 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,305 And commissioner, you don't know me, 315 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,439 but when it comes to finance, 316 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,576 when it comes to most things really, 317 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,212 I'm very hands on. 318 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,985 - And also a douche. 319 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,419 - We'll take a break and then hear arguments 320 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,454 from the opposing side. 321 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,623 - Max, I'm gonna ask you a serious question 322 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,425 and I want the truth. 323 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,995 - Is it, "Can you smell that onion bagel on my breath," 324 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,497 'cause yes. 325 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,299 - Do you think our business dream 326 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,634 is as far-fetched as Sophie's baby dream? 327 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,570 - You know Sophie's right there, right? 328 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,339 Don't get her mad. 329 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,508 I once saw her open up a can of paint 330 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,744 with her knees. 331 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,747 - I mean, aren't all dreams kind of crazy? 332 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449 Isn't that why they're called dreams, 333 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,418 'cause they're not real? 334 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,752 At some point, you have to wake up and pee, 335 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,554 right? 336 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,492 - Sometimes five times a night. 337 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,029 - Well, at least you won't have to listen to that annoying 338 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,065 tour guide's speech twice a day anymore. 339 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,200 - Right, if you look to your left, 340 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:08,601 you'll see a failing cupcake shop 341 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,139 with two completely deluded shop owners. 342 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,441 - In fact, the only redeeming feature 343 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,344 in this waste of architecture are the historic Tiffany windows 344 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:20,380 right next to those two bitches. 345 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,714 - Wait, what about the windows? 346 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,516 He says that? I totally missed that? 347 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:27,354 - Yeah, because you're too busy sprechen the cupcakes. 348 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,756 - Oh, my God, those Tiffany windows 349 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,324 might be old enough to qualify us 350 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,326 as a historic landmark building. 351 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,228 Oh, oh, my God, I'll be right back. 352 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,463 - Where are you going? 353 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,597 - Down to the city archives. 354 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,366 I need proof that those windows are legit. 355 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,468 If I'm not back when it's our turn to speak, 356 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,170 stall them. Fill time. 357 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,737 Just go on an on talking about nothing. 358 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,474 - Got it. Pretend I'm you. 359 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,743 But you would need a miracle to find that proof in time. 360 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,713 - Psst, Max, you got a tampon? 361 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,615 I just got my period. 362 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:59,052 Either that, or I've been shot. 363 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,389 - Sophie can still have a baby! 364 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,457 See, miracles can happen! 365 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,094 - The woman is right there. 366 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,799 And like I've already said twice, Your Honor, 367 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:16,503 I've worked at that diner since 1989, 368 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,439 so, peace out. 369 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,341 - She's still not back. Keep going. 370 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,510 - Your Honor, I've been working at that diner 371 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,179 since 1989. 372 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,681 - I think we've heard everything this gentlemen has to say 373 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,651 about the building in question, including, for some reason, 374 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:36,423 of his brief affair with comedian Nipsy Russell's wife. 375 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:37,757 - She was from Brooklyn! 376 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,693 I thought it was pertinent, Your Honor. 377 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,229 - If there are no other witnesses-- 378 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,463 - Han, go, go, go, go. 379 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,498 - No, I already blew this once. 380 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,234 - Finally, you admit you blew something 381 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,436 when I can't enjoy it. 382 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,104 Oleg, you go. 383 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,739 - I can't. The judge knows me 384 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,376 from a sort of "Eyes Wide Shut" situation. 385 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,778 You go. 386 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,613 - No, nothing good ever happened to me 387 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,549 in a courtroom. 388 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,685 Every single time, they just gave me back to my mother. 389 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,454 - I'll go. 390 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,322 Yeah, I've got something to say. 391 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,191 You're a lady judge. 392 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,227 You got any Midol? 393 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,129 - Well, if there are no further witnesses... 394 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,530 - Damn it, yo! 395 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,632 I guess I have something to say. 396 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,634 - Wonderful. 397 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,504 Carmella, we just lost our lunch table. 398 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,475 - Nice model you got there, 399 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,311 except IMAXs are supposed to be big. 400 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:35,148 [laughs] That's kind of the point. 401 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,684 - Miss, if you don't have anything pertinent-- 402 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,553 - Stop, you can't tear our building down! 403 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:43,390 So excited, I feel like I'm in "Legally Blonde." 404 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,427 Those Tiffany windows are over 100 years old, 405 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,896 making it a historic, landmark building. 406 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,664 - Do you have documented proof of this? 407 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,533 - Yes, I do, your honor. 408 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,303 - So dramatic. I'm loving it. 409 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,239 - Living, breathing, boring proof. 410 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,708 Your Honor, this gentlemen is an expert 411 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,476 on historic Williamsburg. 412 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,412 Dannon, tell them about the windows. 413 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,779 - First say it. 414 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,482 Say it in the eyes of the court, or no deal. 415 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,619 - I will never do a German accent again. 416 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,887 - The building's windows were created by Tiffany Studios 417 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,524 in a playful fish motif for the original Williamsburg 418 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,426 fish market, opened at that location 419 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,661 in June, 1901. 420 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,630 - Well, that qualifies as a landmark. 421 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,265 - Yes! 422 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:28,301 - Yah, dis is vuunderbar! 423 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,207 Well, I never promised you anything. 424 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,677 - How do you like that, Max? 425 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,546 These cute little fishies from the fish market 426 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,648 saved our business and the diner. 427 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,983 - It's weird I'd wind up working in a former fish market. 428 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,818 - Dannon told me the market was also a front 429 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,654 for a whore house. 430 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,622 - Yeah, that's more like it. 431 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,624 Now I have a serious question for you 432 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,660 and I want you to tell me the truth. 433 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,562 Would it have been smarter for us 434 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:56,829 to take whatever of that buyout money 435 00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,633 we would have forced Han to give us and quit? 436 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,835 - Probably. 437 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,304 but Max, I've wanted my own business 438 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,705 since I was little. 439 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,340 It's purely emotional. 440 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,841 I can't really explain it. 441 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,544 - I can. It's your PPT. 442 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,381 Your personal Pop-Tart. 443 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,484 - It is. It's my PPT. 444 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,719 - Then I totally get it. 445 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,855 - Yeah, you do, Max. You always do. 446 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,825 - Well, girls, it's official. 447 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,660 - You're still short? 448 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,895 - We won! 449 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,963 The entire neighborhood has just been notified 450 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,600 there is no IMAX buyout. 451 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,735 - Yep, and they do not look happy. 452 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,036 Here they come. 453 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,373 - Hey, you! Yeah, you! 454 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,543 [crowd chattering] 455 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:47,046 - Open up! They have sticks! 456 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,416 - Can't leave him out there, can we? 457 00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,852 - Aah! - Oh, God! 458 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,954 - Oh! 459 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,662 [upbeat music] 460 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:10,703 *